… or a website, or well, what if it were a boat?
Scene: The enquiries desk at Sail Every Ocean (boatbuilders) Ltd.
SEO: Good Morning, SEO luxury boatbuilders, can I help you?
Client: Hello, I’d like to buy a boat.
SEO: Yes sir, what did you have in mind?
Client: I’d just like a quote please.
SEO: For what exactly sir?
Client: For a boat. How much does it cost?
SEO: Well that depends sir, do you want a new standard boat from our catalogue, a reconditioned secondhand boat, a custom built boat?
Client: It has to be the number one boat.
SEO: In what class sir? Speed, range, number of passengers? What exactly is the boat for?
Client: Everything, I need to have lots of passengers and it has to be fast; and it has to look good, for my corporate image.
SEO: And is this boat powered by sail or steam sir?
Client: Well I tried steam but it’s very expensive, all that oil buying is just a bidding war, so I thought that since wind is free I’d use that.
SEO: Ok sir, you’ll need plenty of sail to go quickly.
Client: Oh I don’t want much of that – obscures the attractive views for the passengers
SEO: I see sir, you do realise that it’ll take a while to build up any speed in this boat? And you’ll only be able to leave port when there’s enough wind?
Client: That’s no good, my friend Sir Frederick Willington-Smythe has a boat that does 60 knots.
SEO: Yes but that’s a powerboat sir – it has a Rolls Royce 4000hp engine and can only take three people.
Client: Well what about my friend Stavros, he has a boat that carries 800 people. He says it won the Blue Riband or something
SEO: Yes sir, the Mediterrania has three engines – nuclear powered with twin screws, two turbo diesels for backup. Either one capable of powering Paris. It cost a great deal of money.
Client: Yes, yes, that doesn’t matter. You’re supposed to be the best – how much will a boat cost me?
SEO: Well sir, depending on the specification, which seems a little wide in this case, our usual costs are between £30,000 and £50,000,000
Client: What!!, that’s no good, Mr Smith at the sailing club got one for £500.
SEO: That would be the Cheapboats WaveChopper training boat for children I imagine.
Client: So why are you so expensive? Cheapboats say their boat is guaranteed to make you a winner.
SEO: Goodbye sir. Happy Sailing.